The Dolphins Make Me Cry

In honor of Ms. Britney Spears' birthday today and the dropping of her new album Circus, here is a post about music.

Do any of you ever have this problem? You're listening to a song you've never heard before and you're really enjoying it. Suddenly you hear the dumbest, most awkward, senseless, or repulsive lyrics ever. The song is ruined for you.
Or maybe you're listening to a much loved song for the millionth time, when suddenly a line that used to sound like, "blah rah lah" clarifies itself in your brain to make lyrics that are suddenly understandable and utterly horrifying. This song is also ruined for you.
Maybe I'm the only one that lets song lyrics absolutely ruin songs for me, and I will be willing to accept that none of you care or can relate to this. It's just that today while listening to my adorable little red i-pod shuffle, this happened to me like 10 times in a row. I'm going to list some of the offending lyrics, and you can let me know if I'm overreacting.

First song: "She Wants to Move by N.E.R.D.


This song is one that I have enjoyed many times before. I really liked it... until today. I heard the lyric, "Her ass is a spaceship I want to ride." This occurs at about 1:16 in the song. The lyric in itself is pretty ridiculous but there is something about the way Pharell sings it that just seriously makes it not ok for me. Especially when that guy in the background echoes "Her ass." Weird.

Song 2: Spazz by N.E.R.D.
I am not picking on N.E.R.D. It just so happened that my i-pod wasn't on shuffle mode so I got these two songs in a row. This song had me going with an AWESOME opening beat and then suddenly, the first lyric:


"I'm a little teapot short and stout.." ???!?!?!?!?! OK no. That is not ok. I want some lyrics about pimps and hos and dirrrty cash and my ride. NOT A NURSERY RHYME. Wow. So not cool.

Song 3: Upgrade U by Beyonce and JayZ
Unfortunately embedding for the actual music video was disabled so heres a fan made video so you can hear the song:

Ok I'm loving this song. It's awesome right? And I love Beyonce and Jay. Let's face it, Jay is one of the greatest lyricists of all time. So WHAT was he thinking? Jay sings, "Cuz that rock on your finger's like a tumor." (2:55) Really Jay? Like a tumor? I mean I know it rhymed, but I don't want to be jamming to this song and then suddenly be contemplating finger tumors. No.

Song 4: Flashing Lights by Kanye West
Ok, I could write a whole post on my hate for Kanye lyrics. While he's a good producer he absolutely sucks as a rapper. Today I was listening to this song by Kanye:


when I heard the lyrics, "'Til I got flashed by the paparazzi ,damn these niggaz got me. I hate these niggaz more than the Nazis." (1:18) Wow. You're so clever Kanye, really, but a tip for next time: don't say you hate the people paid to take pictures of you so that you can remain in the spotlight as a rap star more than people who committed genocide and tried to take over the world.

Anyway, there were quite a few more but these were all I could remember. I realize they're all rap songs that I'm talking about and I want you to know that this especially upsets me. Amazing and witty lyrics are what drew me to rap in the first place. All I'm saying is try a little harder people!